Rebecca in Human Resources
I am writing regarding the reference you requested, I was deeply flattered that you thought of me. You not only remembered my difficult-to-pronounce name, but when you spelled it correctly, I was touched. Just think after 5 years of working side by side on the same team you finally got it right. As you would say, “Gold star for Becks today.” I want to apologize for the delay but I was concerned my punctuation might be a bit too aggressive, so I wanted to start my letter with a trigger warning. I know all you’ve had to endure with the hostile commas in text messages and emails, especially after that horrible parentheses incident with Rodriguez. Some may call it hysteria, but if it wasn’t for you we might have been the victims of covertly abusive syntax. No matter what anyone else says, it was obvious you were heartbroken that Miguel had to be let go. And, just between you and me, I don’t think you were ever shown the proper appreciation for that act of heroism and self-sacrifice. I would like to take this opportunity to step out the box and let you know that some of us will never, ever forget you or any of the many policies you personally spearheaded and helped implement.
Everyone knows you are incredibly soft spoken and modest under normal circumstances, and I really hope I didn’t embarrass you. But when your prospective employer called I just couldn’t help going on and on about the courage you displayed when the office was almost robbed by that suspicious character last fall. If it wasn’t for your keen instincts and ability to dial 911, who knows what could have happened. As you’ve pointed out repeatedly, we all have indeed seen the news on Facebook and know this city is just rife with violence; your fears were completely justified. Thank goodness it was only Jonas from IT rushing to make your conference call, and since the police didn’t detain him that long I guess it all worked out in the end. Besides, who wears a hoodie and jeans to the office, on a Saturday, at a software company? (Rest assured, no one talks anymore about you two hooking up at the Christmas party, or the fact that he got engaged shortly after. Everyone has discussed it ad nauseam and knows there was absolutely no connection).
I hope this message finds you in good spirits as you move on to your next challenge. Please know that I will sleep well tonight if I in anyway helped paint a picture of who you really are. Not just as a professional, but deep down to your core as a human being. In closing, I’d like to again thank you for creating a safe space for us all. Know that many of us, even in your absence, still feel your impact.
Your ethnic friend
P.S. You still can’t touch my hair, so please stop asking; it’s just weird.